August 31, 2015

Whose Life is it, Anyway?

I was driving in my neighborhood this morning and recognized a walker as someone I used to go to high school with. At a glance he looked like he wasn’t the happiest of campers and I wondered about that as I drove on. Of course, a first glance can be so deceiving but then there is the scientific fact that our primal brain takes in thousands of particles of information and makes quick judgements beyond the speed of light. So if that is true, my first glance has some truth to it. This person excelled in sports and his father was instrumental since he had been the head coach at our school. I wondered how much that has played out, so to speak. Had his father put added expectations on him to play sports and on looking back, did he resent that parental pressure? Had he lived up to his father’s expectations or to his own? I wondered.

That got me to thinking about my parental role. Had I also put my aspirations onto my children? I know I talked about the importance of getting an education and going to college. Since I hadn’t gone to college but always wanted too, I made sure my girls knew that they would need an education as a leg up to a good career. So from my perspective, that wasn’t really putting undue pressure on them, it was just stating the obvious. But if I am being honest, I do see how my unfulfilled goals or dreams of an academic career among many other lost dreams, had carried over to them. It’s funny how that happens. Our own life experiences cannot help but to bleed over to our loved ones….both the good and the bad.

I have been reading a lot of articles lately about the human brain…the wonders of unknown territory of the subliminal mind. So much of how we act out is due to the subconscious part of our brain. Visually I think of this huge iceberg and how what is underneath the water is where the complexities and perhaps our unresolved life experiences reside. I even have a picture of an iceberg at my home office to remind myself of the hidden depths of who I really am. What lies outside the line of vision is nothing as to what is within my head…buried but never forgotten? As children how we are talked to and, how we are treated become those parts of us that are submerged in our deepest sub consciousness. Those memories become our inner voice; how we think about our self and all that self-talk that goes on in our deepest recesses that will all be played out in some way or another; the good, the bad and the ugly.

So then….how will my children translate their childhood to become the adults they are evolving to be? Will they live up to their own expectations and their own goals and dreams or mine for them? I hope they learn early on to live their lives according to where their deep love and passions take them. It is after all, their journey of life and not mine.

So what started out as me seeing this person from my past and wondering about how his father influenced his life now becomes how my children view their pasts and how I might have influenced their choices in life. My thoughts even go back to my own childhood and I try to recapture how all the nuances of voices and faces and words said and unsaid that helped to formulate who I would become…me. Scary stuff because I am the youngest of 7…older brothers and older sisters. We are all connected strongly and deeply to one another in that under-the-water-iceberg sort of way. I have depended, no needed, the strength and character of my older siblings to evolve to be who I am. They have each in their own way been the strongest force of evolution in my evolvement. They molded my character as much as any DNA. Who might I have been without their nagging, building up, tearing down, and total construction of me? I looked up to them for guidance yes, but also how to dance the cool jerk in the 60’s. Without my good looking brother, I am sure I wouldn’t have had nearly as many girlfriends that wanted to come over to my house since they all had crushes on his Ivy League good looks. I need them all like the air I breathe. Their love for me as a baby sister changed at some point to see me as I am…a woman and that has been the defining moment. To be valued by the ones we love is something we can only appreciate as we grow older and reflect backwards on our life. We can be grateful but until we see how harsh and cruel life can be sometimes we never truly realize the gift of a family that not only supports but loves you with forgiving eyes.

I hope my children will someday view each other with that same vision of love and see that our connectedness is one of the greatest gifts we can have for each other. If I could give one piece of advice to my children it would be to treasure one another and cherish always the ones that lift you up. Construct not destruct; or as one would say…do no harm. Abraham Lincoln said it best, “All my life I have tried to pluck a thistle and plant a flower wherever the flower would grow in thought and mind.”

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August 20, 2015

LIFE GOES ON.

The saying “life goes on” is so true. Like time it doesn’t stop but keeps on going. It might seem to slow down a little but like old man river it just keeps moving along.
How you choose to live your life is up to you. What you choose to do for yourself are decisions only you can make. Others might want to tell you what to do and when to do it, but you have the right to refuse if it doesn’t feel right.
What can you do to make your life better? or happy? or meaningful? We all face those questions on a daily basis. How many times have we asked ourselves, ” is this the right thing to do?” How many times have we rushed into doing something only to regret it later? Life is what you make it. It can be as exciting or as peaceful as you want it to be.
Looking back on my life what do I remember as being one of the most important events that happened to me? It was making a commitment for the rest of my life–by getting married to my soul mate. That meant making a new life for myself that would make me the woman I am today. That was a long time in coming. My mother always told me, “to be strong, roll with the punches” and to never say never. She also told me to never back down on what I felt was right or to change my way of life just to please others. My mother taught me that life no matter how hard or discouraging could have a funny side and that laughter was important to keep it in a proper perspective.
My life has been a learning experience. I have never stopped learning from my mistakes or accomplishments. Sometimes you want to fight changes to your life but I have learned there are times when you just can’t fight back. No matter how hard I tried to stop whatever was happening, it did not work. So I ended up “rolling with the punches” and changed the direction I was going in. I called it making a “U TURN”.
As the years go by, you find that life changes constantly and sometimes not the way you want. Life has brought me to my knees more than once. One of questions I ask myself is did I make my life meaningful? Like my sweet mother, am I leaving wise words for my children to draw on or am I just talking to be talking?
Life, no matter what happens, teaches you that not one day is the same. Each day brings new hope and new beginnings. Make the most of your life, day by day. Don’t anticipate the future. Cherish your family and friends. Say I love you to your loved ones. Life is what you make it, so make your life happy and productive. Leave wonderful memories for your family. BUT MOST OF ALL, remember to laugh even if you don’t feel like laughing.
My wish for YOU today is that you have a wonderful day. Enjoy your time doing what you need to do, or spend time with your loved one, or just sit and contemplate your life.

LIFE GOES ON.

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August 15, 2015

Don’t Miss the Scribble Sisters Facebook New Artwork and Original Quotes

Don’t miss the great posts on Scribble Sisters Facebook Page: ) We have advice from how to let go of negativity to forgiving ourselves so we can move forward in our lives. It’s all about daily affirmations to get us going and our Facebook has that aplenty.

Here are just a few examples of our artwork and quotes that will lift your spirits and sooth your soul.

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August 15, 2015

REINVENTING MY LIFE – WEEK ONE

This week I thought about reinventing my life. Did I mean reinventing myself? After contemplating, I knew that I needed to look closely at myself and decide, is it my lifestyle or is it me.

Me-
I have been changed by circumstances that have happened in my life. This is how it should be, for how can we remain the same when great tragedy happens. Happiness also changes us and I have been fortunate to have much happiness in my life. Love, oh amour, you too changed me and I shall be eternally grateful for those changes. I have become a woman different from the young woman who wanted success in business, success in marriage and success as a wonderful mother.The dream of leaving home, traveling and being a cosmopolitan woman of the world is no longer a dream. I left home, got married, got a job and gave up the dream of being a world traveler and very successful career woman. (Have you ever noticed how “very” is in our descriptions of our dreams). My husband and I worked hard and became successful business owners, which consumes one’s life in ways I never comprehended. Success takes its dues and when dreaming of success one never anticipates the costs. Being a wife and copartner in business can be — NO, IT IS stressful and calls for greater struggles in being successful as a wife. In fact when I first got married, I didn’t even know what a successful wife should be. I just wanted to be one. When I became a mother, I now realize that I didn’t know what being a successful mother was. Does anyone really know?Looking back, I think about all those dreams and how my life changed them from idealistic, romantic ones with new dreams taking their place; ones with more pragmatism and more achievable. I think also some dreams just go away, lost in the day to day struggles to make ends meet.

To paraphrase Martin Luther King, “but praise God, I’m not the woman I once was” I still strive to become the woman I ought to be and this brings me to back to the question, do I want to reinvent myself or reinvent my lifestyle?

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August 6, 2015

Reinvent Your Life, but why?

I have been reading a book about reinventing one’s life and part way through began thinking about doing so, but where to begin and what to start with.

I first looked up reinventing to see if I really wanted to. “Invent- to use ingenuity in making, developing or achieving, to hatch, devise, formulate, contrive, fabricate, concoct, make up, think up, dream up ” to conceive of, produce first, to make up”. My old Webster’s New Twentieth Century Dictionary, Unabridged Second Edition, does not give reinvent a definition, so I looked up “Re” which is a prefix meaning back, as to repay, and”Re” a prefix meaning again, anew, over, again, as in reappear, retell, reinvent. Sounds good so far.

Next, the book suggested that I should stand back and look at my life, my daily habits and priorities, asking myself, ‘do I need more laughter, more friends and more challenges?’ Then I followed the suggestion to make a list of the things I wanted to change.

My list:
1.My health – more exercise – lose weight

2.My lifestyle needs verve. I looked this up in the dictionary and well, WOW, I want this. Verve: a quality of mental and physical forcefulness lively, energetic, emphatic, eager quality or manner. A spirit, dash, élan (distinctive style or flair) vigor, bounce, vivacity, animation, vim, liveliness. Oh yes, verve sounds like what I want to be — to have.

3.I’m in a rut – ever though it seems a comfortable one, nevertheless it is a rut. Same o, same o.

4.I can’t seem to get enthused over things. (This is where verve comes into play)

5.To do something new seems too much of an effort. If I had verve, well, I would be more energetic and eager, which are qualities to give me ‘get up and go.’ Right?

6.It’s just too much trouble, did I just say that?

7.I’m lazy. OK, I admitted to something that I have suspected for a few years now. I have let laziness creep into my life. If I’m not careful, it may take over too much of my life. Therefore, I need to reinvent my self. I need VERVE.

8.Maybe I need more interests and allow changes to open doors to new experiences and opportunities to do something different. I’ll make a list my interests – those things I wanted to do and have never done and the things I love to do and want to do more of.

9.Should I use a different approach to the same problems? This sounds promising because so many of my problems are the same.

10. There are the two major considerations that come into play when making changes in my life and they are: family obligations and work obligations

11.I just thought of another obstacle, do I have the courage to make changes that could alter my life style and not upset too many others in my life (see family obligations)

My next step was to look up encouraging quotes and I found the following ones I liked:

“The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.” – Albert Einstein” This one encourages me to keep being creative and open to change.

“I may not be the man I want to be, I may not be the man I ought to be, I may not be the man I could be, I may not the may not be the man I can be, but praise God, I’m not the man I once was” Martin Luther King This one reminds me that we do change during our life, at least we should, and we always should be looking towards the “man I could be”.

“Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.” – C.S. Lewis I like this one and it reminds me that courage is necessary, sometimes letting go of old life styles is the only way to move forward.

“If work were so pleasant, the rich would keep it for themselves.” – Mark Twain I just like Mark Twain and his quote reminds me that all work and no play is never a good thing.

Now that I have made my list, looked up encouraging quotes, I suppose my next move is to refine my list, being more specific as to what changes I really want to do and set in place those changes that will reinvent my life.

During the next few weeks I shall post on my blog my progress and decisions made. Pat S

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